Not Like This
by shulesaddict77
Summary: Every action has consequences. You can't undo the past. Especially not when, deep down, it's what you've wanted all along. Post 2x15 'Cooler'. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**After last night's episode I just couldn't resist. It was perfect. Ahhh, I think I love them even more now. If that's even possible. I'm still on a high and I'm probably gonna break the replay button while I'll try not to squeal too loud with delight. My hubby already thinks I'm insane, no need to give him more proof of my insanity. :-) **

**I don't know much about upcoming episodes and I'm sure it's not gonna take place like this but I love playing around with them. So here it goes! I hope you enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: Of course I don't own them. They would be on cable if I'd own them. ;-)**

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**Chapter 1**

_I meant something like that_

Jess was lying in bed, Sam snoring slightly beside her while her mind went a mile a minute. Lifting her hand, she brushed her fingers over her lips. She could swear she could still feel Nick's lips on them.

Just like that he'd pulled her into his arms and kissed her. And just like that, she had kissed him back, swept away by the pressure of his lips against hers. Not one second did she think about Sam. She'd completely forgotten that she had a boyfriend, that kissing Nick was plain wrong.

She had a boyfriend and she had kissed another man. She should feel ashamed, probably guilty as hell, but all she could feel was lightness in her head and a wave of awe washed over her as she touched her lips again. Nick Miller had kissed her.

She'd known it had meant something. The 'not like this' had been a Freudian slip. Nick wanted to kiss her. He had actually been thinking about kissing her. The whole 'friends who are sometimes attracted to each other' dilemma. Apparently he'd just decided to take matter into his own hands and just went for it and all she could do was wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him back.

He had tightened his arms around her, drawing her into his body so that not even a piece of paper would have fit between their bodies. Everything had been just too much. His lips on hers, his hand against her cheek while his other hand had pulled her hard into his body as if he didn't want to let her go before he'd released her lips. She had felt as if he'd sucked the breath out of her and her fingers had tightened around his arms, in desperate need to hold on to something as the world, her world, had spun out of control in a blink of an eye.

And then she was standing in the hallway, unable to move, trying to comprehend what had just happened. She would have followed him. If Sam hadn't opened the door behind her, she would have followed Nick. What was wrong with her? She was in a relationship. But one kiss, frankly one amazing kiss but still only a kiss, had made her forget who she was, where she belonged. She wasn't a cheater. Nick had made her a cheater.

The biggest problem was that she had enjoyed it. She had felt hot desire shooting through her as Nick's body pressed against hers. He'd kissed her. Passionately. Turning her world upside down, making her dizzy. The first kiss had been hot and amazing. But what had been almost her undoing were the two kisses afterwards. As hard and sensual the first kiss was as tender were the ones that hardly brushed her lips.

The passionate kiss she could argue away by saying that he had taken her by surprise and she'd acted on reflex. But he had pulled away, waiting for two seconds before he'd leaned in again. She could have shoved him away then. She knew what she was doing as she waited with closed eyes for his next move. She hadn't wanted to leave him and that made her probably one of the worst persons on this planet.

Her boyfriend had been sleeping only a few feet away and she had been kissing Nick. Nick Miller. Her roommate. Her friend. They had kissed. In the middle of the hallway. They almost got caught by Sam. What a mess.

Jess turned her head and looked at the sleeping form of her boyfriend. Her hand tightened around the sheet as she closed her eyes, trying to will herself into sleep. But all she was seeing was Nick's dark eyes, clouded with desire, staring down at her. All she could feel was his thumb brushing over her cheek, his hip pressing into her stomach, his fingers burning hot against her waist.

_I meant something like that_

What the hell was she supposed to do now?

~N&J~

_Not like this_

He'd told her he didn't want their first kiss to be like this. Of course he had meant it. But he hadn't meant to let it slip that he was actually thinking about kissing her. But then she had said good-night to him, patting his stomach playfully with one hand and suddenly he couldn't let her go. He'd grabbed her and pulled her into his arms, crashing his lips on hers without giving her a chance to realize what he was doing.

He didn't know what he'd expected. Maybe that she would shove him away and ask him if he was insane. He had definitely not expected that she would wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him back with such a passion that every nerve ending in his body was sizzling. He hadn't planned to kiss her, it just happened. His first intention had been to prove a point, or at least that's what he was trying to convince himself of. But the moment Jess had reciprocated his kiss every intention he might have had went out of the window.

He had wanted to take her with him. For one brief second he'd wanted to grab her hand and pull her into his room. He'd wanted to just take what he desired so desperately. Desired for quite some time now. But of course he couldn't do it. One kiss. That was all he could get.

He told her he wanted their first kiss to be something like that but it had been definitely more than he'd imagined. He hadn't been prepared to feel so much. So much need, so much want, so much hunger, so much Jess. He should have known better. He should have known that kissing her would mean so much more than just stilling the curiosity. Feeling her body pressed against his … it made it almost impossible to let her go.

But of course he needed to leave her in the hallway. He might have forgotten for a few seconds that she was with Sam but kissing her didn't mean that she would break up with him. She hadn't initiated the kiss. He had no clue what was going on in her head right now. He had had no right to kiss her like that. Not when she was in a relationship with someone else.

He should regret that he had kissed her, he should feel guilty for putting her in this awkward position. But he wasn't feeling the slightest hint of remorse. He had acted on impulse without thinking about the consequences. But now in the quietness of his room he realized that he just might have destroyed a wonderful friendship.

But he didn't regret kissing her. Even if it meant that they could never go back to being friends. He had kissed her and he was glad that he had kissed her. At least he would always have this memory. The memory of her kissing him back. No matter what happened tomorrow. She had kissed him back.

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**I actually wanted to write only a one-shot but I had an excruciating workday and this is all I could manage to write today. Believe me my muse wanted to write a whole lot more (she'd actually already planned out this whole thing while I was supposedly working) but my brain wasn't cooperative. So you'll get a short story (two or three chapters) instead of a one-shot. I hope you don't mind. :-)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, first off … thanks for the reviews. I'm sure every writer loves reviews, so you would make me very, very happy if you would leave one at the end of this chapter. :-) **

**Having said that, thanks for all the alerts and favorites. **

**I'm still in a "Nick and Jess kissed" heaven and what an awesome kiss it was. I know the show will take a slightly different course than I intend to take in this story, but that's the beauty of fanfiction, right? We can do whatever we want with them. :-)**

**I hope you enjoy!**

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**Chapter 2**

"Morning!"

Sitting with her back to the room had been probably a bad idea. Otherwise she would have seen him coming and this one word, spoken in his gruff morning voice, wouldn't have surprised her so much and the sip of coffee she had been drinking wouldn't have ended up in her windpipe, making her almost choke to death. What was he even doing up? He always slept in. Always!

"Jess? Are you okay?" Sam's concerned voice reached her ear while he patted his hand against her back.

Could someone please explain to her why it should be helpful when someone pounded on your back while you tried to get a breath of air into your lungs? It wasn't helpful. Not helpful at all. Though to be honest her breathing problems might have more to do with the fact that Nick was only standing a few feet away from her. In the same room as her boyfriend. After he had kissed her senseless in the hallway just a few hours ago. Talk about awkward.

To top it all off Schmidt emerged out of his room, closely followed by Holly, and leaned over the counter to take a peek into her cup. "Why are you even drinking coffee?"

Great. Now Holly and Schmidt had joined the club. Just great.

"Are you still trying to get over the fact that Nick has rather risked his life than give you a kiss?" Schmidt asked slightly amused.

Jess buried her face in her cup of coffee, hoping that the blush on her face wasn't visible. Taking another sip she burned her tongue with the hot liquid and almost cursed out loud. This was all Nick's fault. Stupid Nick Miller who had told her he didn't want to kiss her like this. Stupid Nick Miller who thought he had to show her what the correct first kiss should look like.

Okay, these thoughts were definitely not helping. No, she shouldn't think about how great it had felt to feel his lips on hers, how great his body had felt against hers.

"Damn!" Jess hadn't realized that she'd said it out loud until she looked at Sam and saw the confused expression on his face.

Okay, she needed to get a grip. Nick had only said 'morning' and she had a freak-out of enormous proportions. And she hadn't even looked at him yet. Yeah, she should just stop looking at him. Great idea. She would just never look at him again. That should solve the problem. With time she wouldn't even remember what he looked like.

"Jess, are you really okay? Do you wanna get checked out at the hospital?"

"No, Sam. I'm really okay. It's just a little hangover."

Nick couldn't help it. Seeing Jess flustered like that made his heart beat faster. Everyone else probably thought it was just one of those days where Jess acted crazier than usual but he knew he was the reason why she acted so weird.

The kiss _had_ affected her.

Though he didn't know yet how it had affected her. If she just couldn't look at him because she didn't know how to tell him that she had no feelings for him or because she feared that she couldn't control herself around him. He hoped for the latter, even though the latter meant that the loft dynamic would change drastically in the near future.

Was it wrong to hope for something more? After all he was Nick Miller. The screw-up without a real job. How should he even have the slightest chance against the handsome doctor she was currently dating? She was dating a God in white who saved probably a life every day. All he might achieve was saving a life by calling a cab for another drunk customer so that he wouldn't hurt himself or others while driving intoxicated. Hardly comparable.

Nick inadvertently stepped closer to her in the same moment Jess jumped up from her chair and they crashed into each other with full force. Nick automatically grabbed her arms to keep her from falling and Jess pressed her hands against his chest as she tried to steady herself.

Nick's heart skipped a beat as he looked down at her but all he could see was the top of her head because she still refused to look at him. He almost wanted to shake her. But of course he couldn't do it. Not in front of everyone.

The collision had knocked the breath out of her, the body contact reminding her of the kiss they'd shared and her hand involuntarily tightened against his chest before she sucked in a breath and jumped back, almost tripping over Sam as she tried to get much needed space between Nick and her.

"God, Nick! Are you blind?" Jess snapped and sudden silence fell over the room. They were all used to Nick being grumpy in the morning but Jess was usually a morning person. Being in such a foul mood was completely out of character for her.

As Jess realized that everyone was staring at her she turned around to Sam and said quietly. "Can we go, Sam?"

"Sure."

She looked frantically around, saying her good-byes to everyone, purposefully focusing her eyes on a spot over Nick's left shoulder when she turned to him. She would not look in his eyes. She'd managed to avoid eye contact until now, she wouldn't lose the battle moments before she was out of the door. But apparently Nick didn't agree with her as he addressed her with a voice that sent a shiver down her spine.

"Have a nice day, Jess."

Her name out of his mouth sounded like a smoky promise. It was probably only her imagination that made her hear an innuendo in his tone, her guilty conscience that made her blush. But she remembered the one time a while ago when she'd freaked out about him saying her name like that. She'd jumped out of the car and gone home on foot. She couldn't jump out of any car right now, she could just flee the scene by running out of the loft.

Nick knew that he was playing unfair. Addressing her when she clearly didn't want to talk to him. But he wanted to see her eyes. He wanted her to look at him. Just once. Just to show him that he hadn't screwed up everything because he had thought he needed to take advantage of the guts 'trench coat Nick' had shown before the self-confidence that stupid woman's coat had given him would fade away. But his attempt seemed to be futile because she was still looking at anything but him.

Jess really tried hard to keep her eyes away from him, but it was like her eyes had discovered a will of their own. She couldn't prevent them from searching his gaze. The moment her eyes met his it was as if everything around her faded into the background. She could only hear Schmidt and Sam talking to each other as if she was under water. She felt like she was being thrown back into the past, as if they were standing in the hallway again, shortly before Nick had told her that he had meant something like that. She could almost feel his hands on her skin again even though he wasn't touching her.

He was just standing there, watching her. His intense dark eyes burning into hers. He raised an eyebrow, one side of his mouth twitched up in a lopsided grin and she wanted to smack him.

"Did you enjoy it?" Nick asked with a hoarse voice. "Do you want more?"

"What?" Jess shrieked, clapping one hand over her mouth. How could he ask her something like that in front of everyone? But Nick just stared at her, his eyebrows drawn upwards in confusion.

"No one said anything." Sam said bewildered. "Are you sure you're okay, babe?"

"Stop asking me that." Jess snapped. "I'm fine."

Oh God, she already had hallucinations. Now she already imagined hearing things. She needed to get out of the loft before she would inadvertently spill the beans and tell everyone what happened between Nick and her last night.

"Is it this time of the month already?" Schmidt said sympathetically, patting her shoulder.

"No." Jess almost shouted, pushing his hand from her shoulder. "It's not. Come on, Sam. Let's go."

Jess dragged Sam towards the door but she couldn't help taking one last look over her shoulder and as she met Nick's gaze she felt as if someone had just sucker-punched her.

She felt as if she was sitting in a car that was spiraling out of control. All she could do was waiting for the inevitable crash. Because no matter how this situation would turn out Jess was convinced that she would crash and burn.

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**I'm not so sure about the shortness of this story anymore. The ideas just keep popping up in my head. I have actually no clue how long this story is going to be and I can't make you any promises but I intend to give you an update every day. But that also means shorter chapters. There is only so much I can do after a ten-hour workday. But well, the weekend is almost here which means the chapters might get a bit longer. :-)**

**See you tomorrow. Hopefully. Oh, and please don't forget to leave a comment on your way out. :-) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews, guys! And over fifty alerts in two days? Wow! Thank you very much! :-)**

**Just a warning, this chapter ends on an extremely angsty note. **

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**Chapter 3**

Nick had poured himself a cup of coffee the moment the door closed behind Jess and had gone back to his room, well aware of the curious glances Schmidt had been throwing his way. He wasn't in the mood to talk about it. As much as he'd enjoyed Jess' flustered state at the beginning, being somehow proud of himself for getting her in this state, watching her hectic movements had sobered him up. She was freaking out and Nick doubted that it was the good kind of freaking out.

First she'd almost knocked him off his feet as she'd jumped out of her chair completely unexpected and stumbled into his arms and then as she had finally looked at him the look in her eyes, so full of despair, made his heart constrict in his chest. He'd put her in an impossible situation.

What had he been expecting? That Sam would just disappear into thin air and they could live together happily ever after?

This was not a fairytale, such things only happened in movies or books but not in real life. No, real life was messy and complicated, full of mistakes and regrets. But he didn't want it to be a mistake. Kissing her felt way too good to be a mistake. But judging from the look on Jess' face she definitely regretted that she kissed him back.

For the first time since he'd kissed her he actually took the time to think about his own motives. He had wanted to kiss her. He had wanted it to be spontaneous, not something they were forced into doing. If he would have given himself the time to think it through he probably wouldn't have done it. But he couldn't take it back now. He didn't want to take it back.

The kiss had surprised him almost as much as it had surprised her but it also made it clear to him that he wanted more. Of course there was desire. Of course he wanted nothing more than to devour her, touch every part of her body, make her moan with pleasure.

But one night with her wasn't nearly enough. He not only wanted to drive her crazy with need, he also wanted to laugh with her. He wanted to lay in bed with her all day, talking about completely stupid things, watching her light up while she was trying to convince him of her point of view on the matter.

"Shit." Nick cursed as realization hit him square in the chest.

He was in love with her. Somehow over the last year he had fallen in love with her without even realizing it and his bold move might have destroyed the one chance he would get with her.

"God!" Nick groaned. Spencer had cheated on her and now he had practically forced a kiss on her, making her a cheater herself. She would never forgive him for that.

Sitting up, he buried his face in his hands. He didn't know what he should do next. He was scared to make the wrong move.

Just in that moment Schmidt decided to interrupt his thoughts as he jerked the door to his room open.

"Didn't we have a discussion about knocking before entering a room?" Nick hissed, giving his best friend a reproachful look.

"The sincerity of the matter revokes the knocking requirement." Schmidt shot back.

"What matter?" Nick asked incredulously.

"The violation of the roommate agreement." Schmidt clarified.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Nick said confused, his gaze dropping to the object in Schmidt's hands. "And why are you carrying the douchebag jar around?"

"To save you a trip. I think the violation warrants at least fifty dollar."

"Are you insane?" Nick exclaimed. "Why should I put fifty dollar in the douchebag jar?"

"Quit the shit, bro! It's talking time."

"Schmidt, I don't have the nerve to play some guessing game with you. Get to the point already."

"The point is, you ..." Schmidt paused dramatically before he continued. "... and Jess."

"Can you be a little bit more specific?" Nick said, wondering if it had been really that obvious.

"You ..." Schmidt pointed an accusing finger at him. "... violated the roommate agreement. With Jess."

"Okay? And how did we ..."

"Oh, cut the crap, Nick. I was standing right there." Schmidt said and Nick's eyes widened with surprise.

"Right where?" Nick asked.

Had Schmidt seen Jess and him kissing in the hallway? He could have sworn that they had been alone. But maybe they were so caught up in the kiss that they hadn't noticed him.

"In the kitchen." Schmidt clarified and Nick let out a relieved breath. "I saw the way you were looking at each other. You changed the loft dynamics! How could you, Nick?"

"The dynamics haven't changed."

"She has a boyfriend, Nick." Schmidt said with a tinge of accusation in his voice.

"I know." Nick said quietly.

"Wow, you didn't even try to wiggle your way out of it." Schmidt replied surprised. "What happened?"

"It was this stupid kiss bet."

"Wait a second. I thought you pulled that 'climbing out of the window' stunt because you didn't kiss her. So you scared me half to death for nothing?"

"You were all chanting 'kiss, kiss, kiss' on the other side of the door and Jess demanded of me to just get it over with." Nick tried to justify his actions. "I just snapped and told her that I don't want it to happen like this."

"Happen like this?" Schmidt asked. "Now I'm confused. Did you or did you not kiss her?"

"I kissed her." Nick confessed. "But later. In the middle of the night. She called for me because she heard scratching at the door. Turned out, it was our neighbor's dog. And by the way, it was her trench coat, too."

"Nick!" Schmidt whined. "Jess is our roommate. She is off limits."

"I just couldn't help it, man!"

"No more alcohol for you, Mr. Nicholas Miller. No more True American." Schmidt said firmly. "You are clearly only making bad choices under the influence."

"It had nothing to do with alcohol."

"You better fix this. I have a high-stress job. I need the loft to be a stress-free zone. So you better think of a way to make it go away. No more stress in the loft."

~N&J~

Nick opened the door to the rooftop and stepped out into the brisk February air. He wanted to clear his head, hoping that the fresh air would help him think. The clouds were hanging low in the sky, dark and heavy, promising rain. The weather actually reflected his inner turmoil perfectly.

Schmidt was right. He needed to fix things with Jess. But the realization about being in love with her made the situation so much more complicated. But truly loving someone meant that their happiness stood above all else. It didn't matter what he wanted, what he wished for. The only thing that mattered was that _she_ was happy. So if Jess was happy with Sam, he needed to find a way to let her go. She deserved all the happiness in the world and he needed to make sure she would get it.

A sudden wind gust swept over the roof and Nick turned the collar of his jacket up, shuddering slightly as he stepped away from the door. He had been so deep in thought that he hadn't noticed that he wasn't the only one on the roof. He narrowed his eyes to determine who the person was but when he recognized who was standing on the roof with him, his breath caught in his throat. It seemed he had to man up sooner than expected. He wasn't sure if he was prepared for the inevitable confrontation.

Jess didn't know why she had decided to go up on the roof. The temperature was actually much too cold for a lazy hang-out on the roof. But she needed to get out of the apartment before she would suffocate. She needed room to breathe.

Jess leaned forward, propping her elbows up on the wall, staring over the buildings in front of her. She didn't even realize that her feet were turning to icicles, that her fingers went stiff.

Suddenly the hairs at the back of her neck stood up and her whole body stiffened. She knew she wasn't alone anymore and somehow she knew exactly who she would see when she would turn around. But giving recent events she wasn't sure if she would be confronted by a ghost or the real Nick. Jess turned around slowly, jumping only slightly when she saw him standing a few feet away.

"Jess?" Nick stepped closer but Jess was still not sure if she was dealing with a hallucination or not so she didn't react. But when Nick reached out and touched her hand she involuntarily flinched. "Jess? Can we talk?"

"About what?" Jess asked harshly, jerking her hand away.

"Aehmm ... the kiss?"

"There is nothing to talk about." Jess replied. "I'm with Sam, Nick. What the hell were you thinking? You shouldn't have kissed me. It was wrong."

"I know."

"Why now? I have a boyfriend. You just ... you just pulled me into your arms and planted a kiss on me. Forced your tongue into my mouth."

Nick had had the best intentions, he really wanted to put all of this behind them but something in her tone made his blood boil and he snapped back.

"You kissed back." Reaching forward, Nick grabbed her arms and pulled her towards him. "Damn it, Jess. You kissed back. And to hell with the wrongness. It didn't feel wrong."

"Yes, I kissed you back." Jess hissed. "But that just takes this situation to a whole new level of bad. I let my hormones overrule my brain."

"Hormones?" Nick shouted. "Don't tell me you only kissed me back because you got overwhelmed by your hormones. It was much more than that. I was there with you, remember? You can't fake this kind of passion."

"You had no right." Jess said furiously, slapping his chest with her hand. She didn't even realize that it had started to rain as hot fury rushed through her body. "No right to kiss me like that."

"So why did you kiss back?" Nick tightened his fingers around her arms, pulling her even further into his body. "If it was so awful why didn't you shove me away?"

"Because I'm human." Jess shot back.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You know what?" Jess lifted her hands and planted them on his chest, pushing him away. "Just forget it. Just forget everything about it. We never kissed. Last night just never happened."

"Is that what you really want, Jess?" Nick asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes, Nick." Jess replied quietly. "That's what I really want."

They were staring in each other's eyes, neither of them wanted to back down. Jess definitely didn't want to be the first one to turn away. After all she had been on the roof first. If anyone should leave it should be him.

"Seriously?" Jess hissed, staring up into the sky as the drizzle suddenly turned into a downpour. God, what a cliché. Just like in all those sappy movies where it always rained when the protagonists shared a passionate kiss the moment they finally realized that they were meant for each other.

"When did my life turn into a freaking soap opera?" Jess shouted against the wind. In a matter of seconds the rain soaked through the thin fabric of her jacket, cold trickles of water running down her spine. Turning her gaze back to Nick, she realized that he looked even more handsome with his hair plastered to his head. His dark eyes seemed even more intense, his face appeared to be all smooth and hard at the same time, making her fingers itch to trail them over the planes of his face. Furious about her own treacherous thoughts she lashed out. "I'm soaking wet and it's freezing out here. God, I hate you, Nick Miller. I really do. This is all your fault. You've ruined everything. Why did you have to kiss me?"

Nick stood motionless as he watched her storm towards the door. He couldn't move. The rain was pounding on his head, the wind was rattling at his clothes, plastering the icy material against his skin. But he didn't care. Tilting his head upwards, he let the rain stream over his face, using the hard pricks of the icy water to distract himself from the pain in his chest as he felt his heart break.

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**Do I need to search for cover? Now might be a good time to tell you that all my stories end with a happy-end. So don't worry. **

**I hope you'll all be back tomorrow to catch the next chapter! :-)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**So, here is the Saturday installment and I'm apparently not done with the angst yet!**

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**Chapter 4**

Of course she didn't hate him. She could never hate him. But she had been so angry with him. Standing there on the rooftop. Looking more handsome than ever. Why couldn't he be ugly? Everything would be so much easier if he would be ugly. But no, he was smoking hot. Even without additional grooming. God, why did she even say that to him? Guess, his 'Not like this' was not the only Freudian slip of the evening because she practically admitted that she found him at least hot.

It was the truth after all. He was hot. She never understood the whole hype about the perfect body, the perfect face. Perfect was boring. Men didn't need to be perfect. They need to have this certain something. That something that made you take another look. Maybe because of mesmerizing eyes you just couldn't look away from, maybe because of a smirk that made your heart jump, maybe because you knew that if you needed them they would be always there for you. Even if you interrupted them trying to get a woman.

That was what she was trying to avoid all along. Feeling too much. With this one kiss he'd opened the floodgates. Because it was actually the first time that he'd really put his arms around her. They'd never hugged. Not even when they'd said good-bye in front of the building he'd wanted to move in with Caroline. She hadn't hugged him because she had been afraid if she would hug him she would beg him to stay in the loft with them and that would have been beyond pathetic.

But why now? Why did he have to kiss her now? They'd had a moment, when they were standing in the middle of nowhere, facing a coyote. She'd told him that she would be fine because she'd met him. That was a moment.

But he had been with Caroline and taking it any further had been out of the question. He'd come back, though. Back to the loft. Back into their lives and she'd never felt more relieved than when she'd heard the music coming out of his room.

And she had been happy that he hadn't moved out. But if she was honest, they'd danced around each other since then. Hitting a peak as they were talking about him being her emotional fluffer. She'd tried to make a joke out of it, telling him that she knew all along that he had thought about the reward.

If she had known how the reward would look like she would have probably … no, she would not go there. They'd decided back then that it would be better to never cross the line and looking at the mess they were currently in they should have stayed away from each other.

Maybe she was angrier at herself than at Nick. Because she just couldn't stop thinking about him. He was always on her mind. She didn't hate him. She just wanted to stop thinking about this damn kiss.

Jess was still wearing her wet clothes and she started to peel herself out of them and just slipped under the covers, curling her body into an embryo position. She stared out of the window and suddenly everything was just too much. Too much emotion. Too much turmoil. Just too much of everything.

Tears were rising up in her chest and clogging her throat. She bit her tongue, hoping to stop the tears from falling by inflicting pain on herself but it didn't help. The tears pricked the back of her eyes, her chest constricted and she just gave up the fight. The tears weren't silent tears that streamed slowly out of her eyes, but hard sobs that were wracking her body as she hugged the pillow close to her, burying her face in it to muffle the hoarse sounds that came out of her mouth.

She really wanted to hate him. Hate him with everything she had in her. But she couldn't. She didn't want to lose him. But it looked like she already had. Because they'd crossed the line and now they could never go back to how things were before.

~N&J~

Nick stumbled down the stairs, his muscles stiff from the cold. He was relieved when he got into his room without anyone stopping him. Closing the door slowly behind him, he leaned against it.

He knew he needed to get out of the wet clothes before he would catch pneumonia but he couldn't bring himself to move a muscle. Several minutes went by until he stepped away from the door, his hands moving on autopilot as he took off his clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor as he grabbed a towel to dry himself off.

He'd just slipped into sweatpants and one of his favorite hoodies as he heard a knock on the door. He stiffened, fearing and hoping at the same time that it was Jess but then Schmidt's voice sounded through the door.

"Hey, man. Can I come in?"

Nick stepped forward and opened the door, smiling sadly as he saw the six-pack in Schmidt's hands. "I thought I shouldn't drink any alcohol anymore."

"This is an exception." Schmidt replied as he entered the room.

He plopped down on Nick's bed, putting the six-pack on the nightstand before he pulled out two bottles and unscrewed them, handing Nick one. Nick took the bottle and sat down beside Schmidt, waiting for him to start the conversation.

"I saw Jess coming from the roof. She looked pissed off."

"She was."

"Are you gonna have a breakdown?"

Nick didn't say anything for a few minutes before he slowly turned his head and looked at Schmidt. "This might be surprising. But I don't think so."

"Why?"

"I don't know." Nick said quietly, feeling the need to add. "It feels different."

"How so?"

"Maybe because …" Nick paused to take a swig of his beer before he continued. "How can I miss something I never had?"

Nick stared at the wall, avoiding Schmidt's gaze. Schmidt watched him thoughtfully, expecting that Nick would break down after all but when it didn't look as if it would happen Schmidt let out a sigh and said quietly. "Do you love her?"

Nick's throat closed up and he gulped hard, putting the bottle to his mouth and emptying it in one gulp. Not sure if his voice wouldn't betray him, he cleared his throat before he allowed himself to speak.

"Yes, Schmidt. I love her." Sudden sadness washed over him and he couldn't help that tears welled up in his eyes as he realized the truth of his next words. "But sometimes love is not enough. Not when it's one-sided."

"Are you sure it's one-sided?" Schmidt asked carefully. He'd always thought that Jess had a thing for Nick but maybe he had been wrong.

"Yes, I'm sure." Nick replied, looking Schmidt in the eyes before he gave him a shaky smile. "I'm going to be fine. Don't worry. Just … just give me one or two days to get my bearings back, okay?"

"Okay."

~N&J~

Jess felt as if she was living in a nightmare. First Nick had disappeared for three days and no matter what she'd tried Schmidt wouldn't tell her where he went. She had been afraid that he would never come back, relief washing over her as he'd walked into the apartment two days ago.

He'd acted as if nothing had happened between them and Jess wasn't sure if she should feel relieved or annoyed but then decided that she should just roll with it. The problem was it wasn't at all like before. Maybe no one else noticed anything amiss but she did.

He joked around with Schmidt and Winston like he always had but with her he was just different. There was a certain distance as if he didn't really knew her and waited until he would know her better before he would open up to her.

She didn't like it. So she acted out. Acting weirder as usual, earning confused looks from all of her friends. Cece had tried to talk to her several times. Of course as her best friend she knew something wasn't right but Jess didn't want to talk about it, hoping that she could just bury it and wait until everything would get back to normal.

But it was just getting worse. She started to drink coffee as if it was water, the caffeine playing havoc with her body. She didn't know how anyone could get addicted to this stuff. It only made her more nervous but she just couldn't stop. Every time Nick entered the kitchen she grabbed the coffee pot and poured herself a cup, gulping it down without adding milk or sugar.

She wasn't sleeping well, tossing around in bed most of the nights, waking up every morning feeling more exhausted. If she would go on like this she would collapse every day now and it looked like Nick wasn't affected at all. Being his usual self. No changes.

Except of all the times they bumped into each other. She was convinced that higher powers were messing with her. They had probably laughed their asses off by now. Before the kiss Nick and she hardly had any body contact because Nick wasn't really a hugger and now … not one day passed without them bumping into each other. It was ridiculous.

What did she do to deserve such a torture? Wasn't it enough that the memory of his body against hers was keeping her up at night?

Apparently not. Someone had decided that she needed a daily reminder. She didn't even look up anymore when she connected with his body. She knew it was him. She didn't need a confirmation, her body telling her exactly what she didn't want to know.

It was driving her crazy. Every time a shock of electricity jolted through her body and she could swear that she could see cracks in the armor he'd put around himself whenever she let herself look into his eyes while her body was pressed against his.

But knowing that his nonchalance might just be a farce wasn't helping at all. The brief flashes of desire she thought she detected in his eyes made it even harder to convince herself that she'd made the right choice in shoving him away.

She was happy with Sam. She should be happy with Sam. Her brain told her staying with Sam was the right thing to do, the smarter choice. But a small voice in her head kept telling her that it might not be the smarter choice but the safer choice.

In the harsh light of the day she was able to listen to her brain but at night when she was lying in bed it got harder and harder to ignore the relentless demands of her heart and body. Until one night she just snapped.

She jerked up in bed, her whole body trembling. Her heart was racing in her chest as if it would jump out of it any second. A thin layer of sweat was covering her whole body, her brain was still trying to connect with reality, pictures of her dream still flitting around in her head.

She swirled around almost expecting Nick to lay beside her. The dream had just been so vivid and the most erotic dream she'd ever had in her whole life. She was still vibrating, small shivers running over her body and she wondered if it was possible to have an orgasm while sleeping. Hugging her legs to her chest, she propped her chin up on her knees, taking in a deep breath. Did she seriously just almost come by dreaming about having sex with Nick?

Jess brushed a finger over her cheek, wiping away the sweat, startling when she realized that she was actually wiping away a tear. She didn't even realize that she was crying. She felt something bubble up in her, the urge to shout out his name was almost unbearable and she bit her tongue to keep herself from screaming. She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't pretend to be okay. She couldn't pretend not wanting him. Because he was in her thoughts day and night, making it almost impossible to breathe.

She couldn't go on like this. This had to end. Right now.

* * *

**Okay, I got completely carried away with this chapter. I always think the best chapters are those where my muse just takes over and I can hardly keep up with the typing. I don't know if that's really the case or if it just feels that way.**

**Just FYI I'm gonna skip tomorrow's installment because of the Super Bowl. So … I'll see you all on Monday. :-)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you so much for the reviews! **

**I hope you enjoy! It's the longest chapter so far and the first half is still packed full of angst, but I promise at the end of the chapter you'll see the silver lining on the horizon. :-)**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

It wasn't working. Nick had hoped it would work and it could have worked if the universe wouldn't hate him. He could have lived with seeing her every day. He had known it wouldn't be easy but he had been convinced he could handle it. He had thought he had everything under control. He had spent three days at an outlying motel, dealing with his feelings for her. He had thought he did a pretty good job in accepting the fact that she wasn't meant to be with him.

But his confidence went up in smoke the moment he walked from the kitchen into the living room and smacked right into her. Her hand had curled around his forearm, sending hot desire through his body, making him shift away from her so that she wouldn't notice his obvious arousal.

He'd tried to stay impassive, had tried to look at her as if she was a random friend. But they bumped into each other every damn day and these daily occurrences had made it impossible to keep his emotional distance. He didn't stand a chance. It almost hurt physical to be so close to her and yet so far away. The wall he had spent three days to build around his heart was crumbling. Faster than he could rebuild it.

He didn't sleep well, the dark circles under his eyes evidence of his short nights. It got harder and harder to get up in the morning and he walked through the apartment more carefully every day, looking over his shoulder every few seconds as if he was being haunted. But he still couldn't avoid bumping into her and every time it became harder to maintain his self control, to stop himself from capturing her lips with his again.

During the day he could keep himself busy so that he could shove every thought of her in a dark corner of his brain but at night he had nothing to distract himself. He spent hours staring out of the window before he felt in a restless sleep. Every night the dreams became more erotic, more desperate, more violent, jerking him out of sleep, his heart hammering in his chest, his body painfully aroused, her name dying on his lips. Until one night an especially vivid dream let him wake up with a start, his whole body shaking.

"Jess!" Her name was bursting out of his mouth in a harsh whisper, his hand slipping unconsciously in his pants and he bit his tongue to suppress the sob that was rising up in his throat as he tightened his hand around himself, longing for her touch so desperately that his heart clenched painfully in his chest.

Groaning loudly, he threw the cover away and stood up. Wandering to the window, he pressed his forehead against the cold surface. He would not relieve the pressure. Not this time. Because it wasn't really a relief. It always left him emptier, more exhausted. And not in a physical sense but mentally. He couldn't stop fantasizing about her. Sometimes he woke up, his hand already tightened hard around him, pictures of Jess flickering over his closed eyelids while he imagined her hand around him, hearing her voice whispering into his ear.

Nick's knuckles went white as he pressed his hands hard against the window, so hard that he heard the glass creaking. He wanted to punch a hole through the glass, wanted to feel another pain than the pain which was ripping his heart apart.

He had been fooling himself. It wasn't working. He couldn't live like that anymore. It had to stop.

~N&J~

"Schmidt, do you have a second?"

"Sure. What's up?" Schmidt set the laptop aside and looked up at his best friend.

But Nick wasn't looking at him, he was standing at the window, staring out aimlessly. His hands were shoved into his pants, his shoulders hunched. Schmidt could see Nick's jaw tighten and his heart sank. He had expected it to happen but it still left him with a bitter taste in his mouth to know that he had been right all along. It wasn't a breakdown in the normal sense but it was still a breakdown.

"You're going." Schmidt said quietly.

"I'm sorry, Schmidt." Nick turned around, shrugging his shoulders and the desperation Schmidt could see in Nick's eyes made him want to stand up and hug him. But he knew Nick wouldn't appreciate it and for once Schmidt respected Nick's wish for distance. "I just can't take it any longer. I thought I could. But … I can't stay."

"Can't Jess …" Schmidt trailed off, clearing his throat before he continued. "I know it sounds harsh, but can't Jess go?"

"It wouldn't work, Schmidt." Nick shook his head. "Everything in this apartment would remind me of her."

Schmidt stood up from the bed and walked slowly towards Nick, unsure what he should do. He lifted his hand carefully, putting it on Nick's shoulder and Nick reached up squeezing it slightly before he turned around completely and pulled Schmidt into his arms.

"I love you, man." Nick said quietly. "But I have to go."

"I understand." Schmidt replied, patting his hand against Nick's back, wishing for things to be different so that he didn't have to lose his best friend as a roommate. But he knew he had to let him go. He had seen that being so close to Jess had cut Nick up inside and if he would stay any longer he would break.

~N&J~

"Cece, I have a problem." Cece had opened the door to a Jess who looked as if she would break down any second.

"Are you finally gonna tell me what's wrong with you?" Cece asked as she stepped aside to let Jess in.

Jess stumbled over to the couch and slumped down on it, saying tiredly. "How did you know something is wrong with me?"

"You are eerily pale and you're acting weird lately." Cece explained. "And I don't mean Jess weird. I mean just ... weird. And then you drink coffee, Jess! And not a cup every once in a while. It looks like you are drinking at least ten cups a day. It makes you even jitterier than you already are. I can't imagine how you can sleep at night with such an amount of caffeine in your body."

"I actually don't sleep much." Jess admitted. "But I don't think it's the coffee."

"So I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that your problem has to do with your roommate. You know, the scruffy one?"

"Why do you assume I have a problem with Nick?" Jess asked surprised, realizing that their problems must have been more obvious than she had thought.

"First, it all started the day after the Strip True American." Cece clarified. "The evening where you've spent half the night behind a closed door because you were supposed to French kiss Nick. Second, you two are hardly talking to each other. It happened before but normally you are all good again after one day, two tops. Third, you can't look him in the eyes anymore. Fourth, ..."

"Fourth?" Jess asked, looking up from her lap.

"Something happened that night. The question is what." Cece said firmly, waiting for Jess to say anything. But when she didn't Cece asked quietly. "Did you sleep with him?"

"God, no!" Jess exclaimed, her head jerking up, her eyes wide in shock. "No! I did not sleep with him. I'm with Sam."

"So what happened?"

"He kissed me." Jess whispered and Cece's eyes widened in surprise.

"When?"

"The night of the Strip True American."

"And now you can't get the kiss out of your head?" Cece asked, pretty certain that was the crux of the problem.

"Well, it might have started the problem but …" Jess raised her hand and rubbed it tiredly over her face before she let her hand drop back into her lap, laying her head back on the couch, staring up to the ceiling. "Do you know what it's like to want something so much and then when you get it it's not as good as you thought it would be?"

"So it wasn't good?" Cece asked, slightly taken aback. She would have thought, considering the unresolved sexual tension that had been swirling between them almost since the moment they met, that when they would finally give in, the kiss could set a whole apartment on fire. But apparently that had not been the case.

"I just thought it wouldn't work. Of course I was curious. Who wouldn't?" Jess continued. "I always wondered about how it would be like to kiss him, to be kissed by him. But he's one of my best friends. At one point you just consider the pros and cons. You know, ask yourself if stilling your curiosity is really worth risking the friendship. Because you don't know if it's going to be just awkward. Just … you've waited for something to happen for so long that you're destined to be disappointed."

"So you were disappointed?"

"Because you think maybe there won't be any sparks." Jess didn't stop her train of thoughts, not reacting to Cece's question. "Maybe you just want it to be passionate because you are already such good friends and ..."

"Jess!" Cece interrupted frustrated.

"What?"

"So you are trying to tell me it was bad? That there weren't any sparks, any passion?"

"No."

"So, no sparks?"

"Not exactly."

"God, Jess!" Cece exclaimed, getting tired of Jess' confused rambling. "Did he or did he not rock your world?"

Jess opened and closed her mouth several times in futile attempts to get a word out before she finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. "He knocked it off its axis. It wasn't even remotely like I imagined it to be. It was so much more."

"That good, huh?" Cece said, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Cece, I ..." Jess began but trailed off, kneading her hands for a few seconds before she threw them in the air, exasperated. "I don't know what to do. He … He pulled me in his arms. Can you believe that? Nick Miller made the first move, showed guts."

"Yeah, what has gotten into him?" Cece said, shaking her head in mock shock.

"Not funny, Cece." Jess snapped. "It wasn't funny at all."

"So how was it?" Cece asked curiously. Judging by Jess' fluttery behavior it had been beyond good.

"Earth shattering. The moment his lips crushed on mine …" Jess sighed, involuntarily lifting her hand to let her fingers trail over her lips, a dreamy look flashing over her face. "It was as if time stopped. All I could care about was kissing him back, hoping that it would never end. It was … God, Cece … I ..."

"Wow! You're at a loss for words." Cece stated slightly surprised. "That actually tells me everything I need to know."

"I never felt more alive than when I was pressed against his body."

"So why are you here?"

"I need your advice."

"Jess, ..." Cece put her hand on Jess' knee and squeezed it slightly. "You don't need my advice. You know exactly what you need to do, what you want to do. You just needed to hear it out loud."

"But I … I'm with Sam and … I fought for him … and he is really a great guy ... and he is really good in bed."

"Yeah, Sam is perfect." Cece said. "He is kind, has a great job, is very handsome and good in bed. What do you want more, right?"

"Exactly!?" Jess replied, the one word coming out more like a question than a statement.

"But you don't want perfect, do you?" Cece leaned forward, pulling Jess' chin around so that she had to face her. "Why do you think you are sitting here, barely holding on?"

"I don't know." Jess shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe because I completely lost my mind?"

"You want Nick." Cece said firmly. "Do you realize that you listed all of Sam's obviously great qualities but you didn't say the three words that really matter?" Cece saw how Jess' eyes widened with shock and she pressed further. "You didn't say anything about love."

"But I do love him." Jess argued.

"But are you _in love_ with him?" Cece asked. "Does he make you forget where you are only by looking at you? Does he knock your world off its axis? Does time stop when he kisses you?"

"Noooo, no, that can't be." Jess huffed out on a breath of air, her cheeks flushing bright red. "That's … no … that's impossible. I can't be … Nick can't be … noooo!"

"You know, saying no twenty times won't make it go away."

"Noooo!"

"Why is this such a shock for you, Jess?" Cece asked, clearly surprised. "I thought you were aware that there was always something special between Nick and you."

"Noooo!" Jess almost whined. "It's just the hormones talking. My body is just in a hormonal overdrive. Let me check the calendar. I'm sure it's PMS-time. Yes, that explains everything. I'm just gonna go now and ..."

"Jess!" Cece grabbed her arm and stopped her from standing up. "Face it. You are in ..."

"No!" Jess shouted, shaking her head vehemently. "Just no!"

"Okay. I'm not gonna say it." Cece surrendered, leaning back in the couch, grinning mischievously at her. "You're gonna say it."

"What? There is nothing to say." Jess hissed out through clenched teeth. "Absolutely nothing."

"Come on, Jess. Just admit it." Cece said, her voice suddenly turning soft. "I know it scares the shit out of you but not saying it won't make it any less true."

Jess blinked at her a few times, clearly struggling with herself before an expression of pure awe suddenly appeared on her face and she murmured. "I'm in love with him?"

"Here we go." Cece smiled. "Wasn't that hard, was it?"

"I'm in love with Nick Miller." Jess whispered, her voice shaking slightly as she said his name.

Cece leaned forward and snapped Jess' phone from the table, throwing it in her lap. "Call, Sam. Meet him and tell him it's over. And then go and find Nick and … I'm sure you two will come up with something to pass the time."

"What if it's too late?" Jess asked. "What if he doesn't want me anymore?"

"One step at a time, Jess. First you need to end things with Sam. He doesn't deserve being in a relationship with a woman who is in love with someone else. And second, ..." Cece paused until Jess was looking up. "Nick is crazy about you. You didn't see how he was looking at you over the last two weeks when he was sure you wouldn't notice. He still wants you, Jess."

"But what if he just wants to have sex with me? What if he doesn't love me?"

"Well, you have to talk to him to find out."

Jess hesitated only for a second before she hit speed dial to call Sam and arrange a meeting with him, her hand clutching the phone firmly to her ear as Sam picked up at the third ring.

"Sam? I need to talk to you. It's urgent."

~N&J~

"What's wrong, Jess?" Sam entered her room. "What's the emergency? I hope it's not another false alarm."

"I wish it was one." Jess whispered, rubbing her sweaty hands down her jeans.

"Everything okay?" Sam asked concerned, stepping closer, but Jess avoided his outstretched hand and walked over to the window.

"No, nothing is okay." Jess replied, folding her arms in front of her chest, digging her fingers into her skin.

"What happened?" Sam questioned.

Jess looked up into his eyes and she almost lost her nerves. She couldn't tell him. He didn't deserve to be hurt like that. But she could hear Cece's voice in her head, telling her that he didn't deserve to be in a relationship with someone who was clearly in love with someone else and she took in a deep breath.

"Sam … I ..." Jess trailed off, suddenly unsure how she should continue, deciding to just be straightforward. "It's about Nick."

"Is he okay? Did something happen to him?"

"No, he is okay, but ..." This was even harder than she had imagined it to be, so she just blurted it out like ripping of a band-aid. "He kissed me."

"I thought he jumped out on the ledge because he didn't want to kiss you." Sam said confused.

"I've backed him in a corner, told him we should just get it over with and kiss already and he slipped."

"What do you mean he slipped?"

"He told me that he doesn't want it to happen like this." Jess said quietly. "That's why he jumped out on the ledge. He panicked."

"So when exactly did you two kiss then?"

"Remember when you threw Melon Nick on the floor?"

"Yes, of course."

"If you would have come out of the room a minute earlier you would have caught us in the middle of it." Jess admitted, averting her gaze to the ground.

"That was two weeks ago!" Sam stated accusingly. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Because I thought it didn't mean anything." Jess tried to justify her silence. "He completely took me by surprise. I didn't initiate the kiss. But I kissed him back."

"So it did mean something?" Sam asked, hurt clearly evident in his voice.

"Yes. It did."

"So it wasn't a heat of the moment kind of thing?"

"No." Jess said. "I'm sorry, Sam. I should have told you sooner. It wasn't fair."

"Do you love him?"

Jess bit her lip to stop it from quivering, lifting her eyes to meet his. She didn't need to tell him, he could obviously see the answer in her eyes and his shoulders slumped down.

"I'm so sorry." Jess whispered.

"So, that's it?" Sam asked and Jess could only nod her head curtly, tears shimmering in her eyes as she saw the stoic expression on Sam's face as he stood still for a few more seconds before he let out a deep breath and turned around. "Good-bye, Jess."

When the door closed behind him, Jess exhaled the breath she had been holding and a small weight was lifted from her shoulders. The first step had been made. Now she had to take the next one. The one that would change her life forever. But the question was in which direction it would change.

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**Normally I try to stay away from sneak peeks because they tend to give the best parts of the episode away beforehand but this time I couldn't resist. Let me just say … Oh my Gosh … I'm so gonna love the rest of this season. :-)**

**Okay, guys. Only one chapter left. So, see you tomorrow! :-)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**Hello, fellow New Girl's fans. This is definitely a personal record for me. Six chapters in seven days. I'm proud of myself! :-)**

**So, we are at the end of this little story. This is the final chapter, guys! I hope you enjoy!**

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**Chapter 6**

Jess was afraid. Not knowing how Nick would react scared the hell out of her. She knew he was at home. She'd heard him coming in earlier. What if Nick didn't want to talk to her? What if he would tell her that she was too late? What would she do if he wouldn't give them a chance?

"Only one way to find out." She murmured to herself, her fingers lingering for a second over the send button of her phone before she pushed it, praying for the best.

~N&J~

Nick was walking through his room, picking up things to put them in the boxes that were scattered around as his phone suddenly peeped. Walking over to the nightstand, he took a look at it, frowning when he saw Jess' number on the screen.

_I need to talk to you. Meet me on the roof. Jess_

What was that about? They had hardly spoken more than ten words to each other over the last week and he didn't want to fall back into the rabbit hole. He should just ignore it. Turning around, he continued to pack his things but a few minutes later his phone peeped again with another text from Jess.

_I need you, Nick_

He knew he shouldn't fold. He knew he should stay strong. But it was Jess and he couldn't help it. He needed to know what she wanted to talk about even if it would just deepen the wound in his heart.

~N&J~

As she heard the door open Jess turned around slowly and Nick stopped a few feet away from her, watching her warily. Seeing him in one of his trademark hoodies, the scruff more prominent than ever and a baseball cap pulled deep down on his forehead, shadowing his eyes, Jess asked herself how she had been able to stay away from him for two weeks, how she could have deluded herself for this long.

Alone the sight of him made her knees all weak. God, she had missed him. Even though she'd seen him every day, she had missed him. Had missed their friendship, their conversations. She had missed the Nick she had fallen in love with. Not that she had known that she was in love with him. It needed a kiss and two excruciatingly painful two weeks for her to open her eyes and see what had been right in front of her for over a year.

Just seeing him, knowing that he came despite everything that had happened, made her heart beat lighter. A relieved smirk tugged at the corner of her lip and as if he couldn't help himself Nick smirked back, furrowing his brows as he realized what he was doing.

What did she want from him? She hadn't said a word since he stepped on the roof and now she wandered slowly towards him, her eyes never leaving his and she stopped directly in front of him, looking at him with an intensity that made him almost squirm.

Nick didn't know what she was looking for and he was too afraid to ask. But suddenly the look in her eyes shifted to utter determination and she lifted her hand and took the cap off his head, threading her fingers through his hair, smoothing it back as if she wanted to repair the damage the cap had caused and Nick closed his eyes, letting out a shuddering breath as he felt one of her fingers trailing along his eyebrow and down his jaw.

He didn't want to move, afraid that when he opened his eyes he would be standing alone on the roof and everything was just a vivid daydream. But then her lips brushed over his and he started, opening his eyes and staring down at her face only inches away from his.

"Jess, what ..." Nick began but Jess silenced him by pressing her lips on his again before she leaned back.

"I broke up with Sam." Jess said quietly, keeping her eyes locked with his.

"You did?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Nick asked, holding his breath.

"Because I want _this_." Jess cupped his face in her hands and pulled him down, leaning her forehead against his as she whispered, her breath tingling over his lips. "I want _you_."

A loud, half sob, half moan, slipped over his lips and Nick wrapped his arms around her, crushing her against his body as his lips searched hers, engaging her in a searing kiss, similar to their first one. Almost lifting her up from the ground, he kissed her with all the passion he had in him and a low chuckle rumbled out of her throat when he released her lips and lowered her back to the ground.

Leaning back in his arms, Jess grinned up at him, saying breathlessly. "Did anyone ever tell you that you are a great kisser, Nicholas Miller?"

"A few women might have mentioned it." Nick replied with a big smile on his face.

"Ah, so modest." Jess teased.

"Is this for real?" Nick asked, suddenly all serious, elaborating when he saw the confused expression on her face. "I mean, are you real? I'm not dreaming, am I?"

"No, Nicholas, you are not. This is real."

"Thank God." Nick breathed a sigh of relief.

"So, am I still a Cooler?" Jess asked, nestling against his shoulder.

"No, you're a Heater." Nick replied, tightening his arms around her as he felt her chuckle against his chest.

"Yeah, that's much better."

They stood silent for a few minutes, just enjoying to be finally in each other's arms before Jess leaned back and opened her mouth to ask him if they should go downstairs when suddenly a splash of water hit her skin and within seconds rain poured down from the sky.

Nick threw his head back and laughed out loud as he saw the surprised expression on Jess' face, standing in front of him, looking like a drowned rat. Leaning down he gave her a quick peck, brushing wet strands of hair out of her face.

"Welcome in your own soap opera." He said amused and Jess grinned back, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the door. "Let's get out of here."

They stumbled down the stairs and into the apartment, more rushing than walking to his room but when Jess opened the door and saw all the boxes covering the whole floor, she came to an abrupt halt and Nick almost ran her over.

Her hand fell out of his grasp and she walked slowly into the room before she turned around and locked eyes with him. "You are moving out?"

"Not anymore." Nick replied, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him.

"But you wanted to move out." Jess said quietly. "Because of me?"

"Can we just not analyze this right now, Jess?"

"But ..." Jess started but Nick lifted his hand and pressed a finger against her lips to stop her from speaking.

"I want you, Jess. I wanted to kiss you for a very long time and I don't regret kissing you since it led to you kissing me back and being with me in my room where I intend to do a lot more than kissing. I know this is gonna complicate everything but honestly ... I don't care." Nick shrugged his shoulders, feeling slightly uncomfortable. "I want you."

She stared at him for a few seconds before she gave him a shaky smile and he turned around and grabbed two towels, throwing one in her direction. "Let's get out of these wet clothes."

Without giving it a thought he pulled his hoodie over his head and opened his belt, letting his pants drop to the ground before he rubbed the towel over his head to dry his hair. A sharp intake of breath made him swirl his head around to Jess and he narrowed his eyes as he saw her slack-jawed expression as she stood in the middle of the room only clad in her panties and bra, the towel lying forgotten on the floor.

"What?"

"Gosh." Jess croaked hoarsely and she stepped closer, slipping her hands beneath the towel that was hanging around his neck, spreading her fingers out over his stomach. "I completely forgot."

"Forgot what?" Nick asked, trailing his fingers along the straps of her bra, smiling softly as he felt her shiver.

"How much I missed seeing you naked." Jess breathed, throwing him a lopsided grin.

"I'm not naked yet." Nick felt the need to point out to her and Jess cocked her head to one side, her hands trailing down his stomach until she reached the waistband of his boxer briefs.

"Then let's change that." Jess said, her voice husky with desire as she crooked one finger behind the elastic band and pulled him towards the bed.

As if they had communicated silently they both slipped under the cover, discarding the rest of their clothes under the sheet. Jess pulled the blanket up to her chin and turned around to face him, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"This is kind of weird." She whispered.

"What?" Nick asked quietly. "Lying naked in bed with me?"

"Yes." Jess admitted and Nick reached out, caressing her shoulder gently with his hand, letting his fingers brush down her arm until he reached her hand.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No." Jess murmured, intertwining her fingers with his. "It feels weird but good."

"Only good?" Nick cocked an eyebrow questioningly, drawing a smile out of her as she answered. "More than good."

He leaned down and kissed her softly, waiting for her to open her mouth before he let his tongue meet hers. Slipping one hand under the cover, he let his fingers skim over her stomach, watching her eyes intently for any sign of discomfort.

"Last chance to run."

"I don't want to run. I'm exactly where I want to be since the moment you kissed me." Jess replied, her hand disappearing under the blanket, her fingers trailing a path down his chest. "God, Nick. I couldn't even sleep. All I could think about was how your body was pressed against mine in the hallway and how wrong it was to have such feelings for my roommate."

"You think I was better off?" Nick asked. "I was on the verge of going up in flames."

"I guess there is only one way to extinguish the flames." Jess whispered, slipping her hand down to his hipbone.

"Are you sure this is the way to extinguish the flames?" Nick asked hoarsely, his hand tightening around her waist.

"No. I guess we are only adding fuel to the fire." Jess said, brushing her thumb over his skin. "But if I go up in flames I want to go up in flames with you."

Nick shifted slightly, scooting closer to her but suddenly Jess' hand shot up and stopped him.

"Stop." Jess blurted out, pressing her hand against his chest. "Before this goes any further … I need to know something."

"I always have safe sex."

"No. That's not what I've meant. I … I just need to know what _this_ ..." Jess pointed her finger back and forth between them. "... is for you."

"What do you mean?" Nick asked, furrowing his brows in confusion.

"I had a very long talk with Cece and talking to her … I think I had kind of an epiphany."

"An epiphany? What epiphany?"

"You know, if you just want to have sex with me, that's fine, Nick." Jess said quietly, averting her gaze to his chest. "I want to have sex with you, too."

"Okay?" Nick said, slightly nervous, having no clue where she was going with this.

"It's just … I need to know what happens afterwards." Her gaze flickered up to his eyes for a second before she focused her gaze back on his chest. "Like, can I spend the night with you or is this a one time only thing and I just slip out of the room and ..."

"What makes you think this is a one time only thing?" Nick interrupted her.

"It is not?" Jess asked, locking eyes with him again.

"You didn't answer my question."

"You didn't answer mine."

"I asked first." Nick said determined.

"I just …" Jess let out a deep breath before she continued. "Okay, this is kind of scary but I'm just gonna say it to get it off my chest because if I'm not gonna say it, I'll regret not telling you and then we are skipping around the issue for weeks and ..."

"Jess, what are you talking about?"

"This is just … I ..." Jess trailed off before she sighed exasperatedly. "Okay, let me try this again." Worrying her lip, she curled her hand into a fist against his chest, trying to ignore his hand that was drawing soothing patterns at the base of her spine. "I … am …"

Nick waited a minute if she would continue but when she didn't say anything else he asked softly. "You are what?"

Her hand was still curled up against his chest and he could see her pulse flutter nervously. "Jess?"

Jess looked up at him, seeing his eyes shining with concern and something she couldn't identify and she pulled him down to her, pressing a kiss against his lips before she hugged him close, burying her face in his shoulder, inhaling deeply. Taking in his unique scent, she gave herself a mental shove and whispered against his skin. "I love you." Turning her head, she pressed her lips against the rapidly beating pulse at the side of his neck. "I love you, Nicholas Miller."

Nick froze, wondering if he had heard her right. This was just all too good to be true. He hadn't expected to hear those words from her. At least not yet. Leaning back, he lifted his hand and put a finger under her chin, trying to pull it up gently but Jess refused to let him turn her head.

"Jessica, would you please look at me?" Nick asked, his voice full of tenderness and Jess finally turned her head up, looking him in the eyes. Nick threaded his fingers through her hair and brushed with his thumb over her cheek before he leaned down and pressed a tender kiss against her lips.

"I love you too, Jessica Day." Nick whispered against her mouth before he sealed her lips with his again.

There was no turning back now. They'd taken the last step and were walking into a committed relationship with their eyes wide open. They would fight and yell at each other because that was just who they were. But from now on they could actually channel all the tension into amazing make-up sex. Their yelling matches had always felt like foreplay. The only difference now was that they could actually do much more than verbal foreplay. It wouldn't be easy. It would be hard work but in the end all that mattered was that they were together.

**The End**

* * *

_They didn't agree on much. _

_In fact, they didn't agree on anything. _

_They fought all the time _

_and challenged each other every day. _

_But despite their differences, _

_they had one important thing in common. _

_They were crazy about each other._

_Nicholas Sparks, "The Notebook"_

* * *

**Thanks to **_AMiserableLove_ **(you planted the seed, lady, and you know it), I intend to write an epilogue for this story. An M-rated epilogue called **_Fueling the Fire_ **where I'm going to pick up where this story left off and show you their first time together. I will let you know when I post it. :-)**

**As soon as I've written the epilogue I will go back to **_Acting on the Attraction_**. I promise! And I have a feeling the next chapter is going to be extra raunchy. How could it be anything else after I've seen this passionate kiss? ;-)**

**Thank you to everyone who favorited or alerted this story and a special thank you to all of you who took the time to leave me a review. I had so much fun writing this story and I'm happy that a lot of you have joined me on the ride. I have plenty of ideas for those two so expect some more stories from me in the future. **

**And now ... have fun watching the episode tonight. I can't wait to see it. It's going to be awesome. As some of you might know I love the shouting matches between Nick and Jess, so I'm really looking forward to the ep. Can you imagine how amazing it will be to see how they are gonna try to pretend that the kiss didn't mean anything? Ahhh, I'm so excited. **

**See you soon! After a short break. I need to recharge my writing batteries after this marathon. :-) **


	7. Author's Note

**I just wanted to inform you that the epilogue for this story is up over at the M-section. It is M-rated for a reason, so if you don't like reading mature content you should probably not go over there. For all the others, I hope you enjoy!**


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